the LORD is sufficient.

our call is for the purpose of the Gospel.
this changes everything- our motivations, our desires.

this teaches me to die to myself.
what a wretched death we must die, constantly, daily- even to our desires- those things that are inherently good and desirable. For what does it matter outside of Christ and his purposes? His glory? It is so hard to rest in that, and yet I was comforted by this fact this morning.

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”
In all this Job did not sin with his lips. [Job 2:10]

And he twittered:

“Home is my favorite shadow”

this broke my heart for his wife and three children. Of course this leads one to dispair… and yet it reminded me that this life on earth is merely a shadow… and even in the midst of the pain there is the hope that one day Christ will come and reign and we will experience not a shadow but how things were intended to be in the first place. This thought overcomes me, this idea that all will be made right. I cannot even image what it will look like. And yet Christ promise’s us this reality. What a beautiful inheritance- to both dwell with God and experience His riches. If only the brokenness in the process of our departure were made easier.

really do kill me, in a good way :)

from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in Thee.

Israel’s strength and consolation, hope of all the earth Thou art,
dear Desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.”

When I first met Ben he told me his testimony and how he ended up Anglican and he mentioned how the liturgy is what held him up during such a trying time in his walk. Honestly, I feel like God has been so gracious to speak to me in hymns. Where my own words fail me, I am able to sing along to the truth proclaimed in their words which also reside so deeply in my heart and soul.  God ministers so well. This is my liturgy.

I finished my exam early enough that I was able to catch an earlier train, but not before I went ice skating with Ben in the Commons.  It was (to say the least) pretty magical (although I’m sure my amateur moves did away with that).  Its so beautiful in the Commons with all the lights up… and its so cool that this pool turns into a skating rink during the winter.  I really enjoyed spending time with Ben- even though it was a mere 30 minutes.

Secondly, depending on where the next few months will take me, I’m considering taking a church planting course offered here.  Figure if I might potentially partner with a church planter I might as well be of some use.

most of the time I end up laughing, as I have to catch myself from saying anything….. out loud :)

two points here- sometimes its so low its pretty much impossible to salvage a good photo. Generally, I hate the idea of shooting in low lighting (much like my friend Heather), and generally I’ll avoid it. In the event that its necessary there ends up being two scenarios- I’ll up the iso to 1600 (the highest on my d40, not the highest on other slrs), which makes the image grainy and orangish (see here for an example of before and after from the Burns‘), or I’ll use flash.

Both of these are generally horrible ideas- when I do end up using a high ISO and change it via iphoto it just ends up looking unreal and ugly. When I end up using flash, since its not an external, its inflexible and shoots straight into my image making it white-out. I can’t decide which to invest into this Christmas (that is if my parents actually decide they’re giving me a gift this Christmas).

Ahhh… aperture looks like it fixes all my semi-low lighting nightmares (which 9/10 is the lighting I’m in), but an external would totally make all nighttime events look spectacular. Decisions.

ok, thats a lie, it was the 2nd snow- regardless… it was beautiful.

While I thoroughly enjoyed thanksgiving with the couples at my church, I still felt distant… depth isn’t something that comes quickly, instead its built up in time and thats probably the hardest thing for me considering I moved so far away.

Ben helps- but he can’t be my only friend ;)… I just found out my best friend here is pursuing the prospect of going to Israel next semester (ie leaving in 1 month)- the thought of that (on the ride home) actually crushed my spirit.  Then I’ll have no one on the S. Hamilton campus… Its bad enough most dinners I spend eating at a table by myself- somehow I just don’t feel like I was able to penetrate the bubble (that and with 80% of the seminary being boys its hard to form relationships).  

But, tonight at church I did have this feeling of being at home- of seeing eye to eye with most all of the people present, and feeling as though we were a body- with each part doing its thing… and each part feeling the pain/loneliness/fill-in-the-blank of the other parts.

I wonder how I really contribute to the body.

so now that I practically live in Boston (as I am there every weekend)… I go to starbucks less. Tonight I wrestled with being “owner” of my time.  My procrastination/laziness leads me to get annoyed tonight when Brian wanted to talk and I needed to read 200+ pages and pop out a paper. 

We talked. He critiqued the paper that Prof. Anders took apart (mainly b/c I didn’t follow his format). Luckily, we get to turn it back in. Regardless… it allowed me to really talk to Brian about those issues I care about. I coherently (and thats a miracle) explained the issues I expressed in my paper… to which Brian had several questions.  Again, those experiences remind me why it is I am here- what it is I want to communicate, and how I desire to really break down stumbling blocks for those who have completely dismissed the Scriptures and feel justified when they discover “historical criticism!”  

Brian had a problem with a footnote I made.  I said that non-believers are slaves to sin and cannot see Scripture as anything other than human creation.  He said,

“Non-believers are slaves to sin? I’m not a slave.”

I told him it was in the book of Romans, and unfortunately I left it at that.  I tried to explain that we are all slaves to something… but I didn’t elaborate.  I shortchanged Brian in explaining to him his sinfulness and our need for Jesus. This conversation has been progressing though, and (thankfully) the Spirit is involved and will do the work.  He wants to get together with Kait and I before Christmas- dinner and a movie.  I hope it happens.  I’m going to get him a case for his macbook (he puts it in a fedex bubble envelope).  This is why we give gifts  this is why I give gifts. I’m bothered by the compulsion- the seeming meaninglessness in our giving during this time.